An Encounter with Fencer Girl
(with apologies to Mark Twain)
Interview conducted by Annie Morris
Annie: So, Fencer Girl, you have an air of mystery about you. Will you tell us your real name?
Fencer Girl: No.
Annie: Why is that?
Then you'll know who I am and the mystery will be gone. This way, I can say anything I like and nobody is going to get on my case for it.
Annie: What would you like to say that someone might get on your case for?
Fencer Girl: Oh, let's see...well maybe that epee fencers are all monkey boys, foil fencers are girlie men, and sabre fencers are oafish barbarians. That pretty much covers it.
Annie: Now, Fencer Girl, I know you don't really think those things.
Fencer Girl: True but I'd still like to say them. No, actually, though my preference is for foil, I think all three weapons have their merits and anyone should fence whichever one he or she likes. Fence all of them, if you like.
Annie: Why do you like foil best?
Fencer Girl: Oh, I don't know, maybe it's because you get to use the "Curses, foiled again!" pun time and again. To be honest, I've never tried epee and that's because I have enough trouble defending just the torso. I hate to think what a mass of black and blue spots I'd be if I were to try to defend my whole body as you must do in epee fencing. As for sabre--I had a few lessons in it but I'm not all that keen on the head bopping that comes of it. Does this make me sound like a wuss?
Annie: If it does, then I'm a wuss too. How did you get started in fencing?
Fencer Girl: Oh, that's a good one. Well, you see, I was just minding my own business, playing around with a pointy stick and slashing at an oak tree in the partk one day, you know, making those "Z" marks that Zorro makes , and this really good looking guy came up to me and told me I ought to do something better with my time. He said, "Why don't you come over to my fencing salle and I'll show you some moves," and I being the totally naive creature that I was, I took him up on his offer.
Annie: What happened when you went? Is this scadalous?
Fencer Girl: I wish. I said I was naive. I figured he was going to put the moves on me as any normal red-blooded American girl would think and you know what? He really did show me fencing moves! Now, how's that for diappointing ag girl?
Annie: Obviously, you decided that you liked fencing anyway. Did you stick with that coach?
Fencer Girl: Well, no, because I had to go on the road (I was the opening act for Tony Orlando and Dawn) and when I got back, he'd gone back to Slovenia where he was an epee champion.
Annie: You say you were the opening act for Tony Orlando and Dawn? What did you do?
Fencer Girl: I sang folk songs and did this kind of performance art stuff where I just talked to the audience, rather like I'm talking to you now. And I did this bit about dismembering an imaginary fly. You had to be there...
Annie: Yes, I imagine so. How old were you when you started fencing?
Fencer Girl: I was 18.
Annie: Was that right after you came back from the raod tour?
Fencer Girl: Oh no. There was a period of time there that I just bummed around Europe and didn't do much but sing for my supper on street corners. That was in the early 60s.
Annie: Now, wait a minute. You say you were on the road with Toney Orlando and Dawn and then bummed around Europe? That doesn't work for me. Tony Orlando and Dawn didn't come along until the 70s.
Fencer Girl: Hey, I don't try to explain this stuff. It just happens.
Annie: Okay, let's just get back to fencing then.
Fencer Girl: Fine with me. What do you want to know?
Annie: When you went back to fencing, where did you fence and who was your coach?
Fencer Girl: It was this little salle in Southern California. The coach was named Alejandro Vega.
Annie: I'm letting that one rest. How long have you been fencing?
Fencer Girl: For two and a half years. I got back to it in earnest the day John Lennon died. Kind of poetic, huh?
Annie: You're doing it again. John Lennon died in 1980.
Fencer Girl: I thought you'd have learned not to mess with me on these time issues. No, really, I have only been fencing about two and a half years. That's real. I'm about as good at it as I am at being interveiwed.
Annie: I'm not sure what to say to that so I'll just move on to something else.
Fencer Girl: That's probably a good idea. Why not talk about my fencing web page?
Annie: Okay, that sounds good. So, tell us about it.
Fencer Girl: It's got a lot of neat stuff on it. Everyone should visit it and have some fun. Look at it with the same mind you ought to have about fencing.
Annie: And what sort of mind is that? Do I dare ask?
Fencer Girl: Well, you should be fencing to have fun. It's all fine and good to learn the techniques and try to do them well but ultimately, you should be there to have a good time. That's the same thing you go to my web page for. It's all about fencing in one way or another and the factual information there is real but a lot of it is for amusement too. The name of the site is: Fencer Girl's Fencing Fun Pages
Annie: I guess you are just a girl who wants to have fun, huh?
Fencer Girl: Now you're catching on. Me and Cyndi Lauper.
Annie: Maybe we should leave it at this, Fencer Girl. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to talk to us.
Fencer Girl: Oh, that's all right. It was no trouble. It's right on the way to Ziegfeld's Follies and curtain time isn't until 8.
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